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You Know You’re an Expat Living in Costa Rica if…

You’re reading this while stuck in traffic behind oxen.
There are more lizards living in your house than people in your hometown.
You complain about the price of groceries like someone 50 years older than you.
Your car has a snorkel.
You wish your car had a snorkel.
You know what a car snorkel is.
You paid more than you’ve ever paid for a car and it’s the oldest you’ve ever owned.
You’ve shopped at the nicest Wal-Mart you’ve ever seen in your life.
You now back into parking spaces and you don’t know why.
You know where every pothole is within a 10 kilometer radius.
You have driven in potholes wider than your car.
You laugh hysterically when Waze says “Pothole reported ahead.”
You have a favorite place to get gallo pinto.
You have an earthquake app on your phone.
You’ve taken a number from a number dispensing machine and are currently sitting in a line at a bank.
You now realize how expensive gas actually is.
Your once boring name is now exotic and impossible to pronounce.
You’ve started telling people your name is something different so it’s easier to pronounce.
It’s rainy season and you’ve fallen down 3 times today.
It’s 80 degrees and you think it’s chilly.
It’s 80 degrees and you could swear it’s at least 110.
Your home doesn’t have an actual address.
You personally know more than ten people who are surf instructors.
Pizza Hut sounds like a high-end dining experience.
Your kids no longer complain when it’s bedtime because it’s already been dark for four hours.
You’ve ever had a bug bite you in a spot that already had a whelp from a bug bite.
You could film an entire documentary about the diverse variety of insects in Costa Rica without leaving your home.
You can completely sleep through the wildlife noises that start at 4 am every day.
You pretend your dog is a stray so it can go to restaurant with you.
You (or your child) has skipped class to go see turtles nesting.
You had to stop taking Spanish classes because they were conflicting with your surfing/paddlboarding/hiking/ziplining.
You’ve worn a swimsuit and cover-up to pick up a child from school.
You say “┬┐Tienes wifi?” as often as “Buenos Dias.”
You can’t remember the last time you ate in a restaurant with air conditioning.
You can calmly wait for wayward oxen and wild dogs in the road, but you loose your mind when you’re stuck behind a wayward tourist that misses their turn at crossing a one-way bridge.